Lost in trainsnathan
Transcript dot com chips and salsa intro Greetings wheezies. It's August 18th. Today on CNN dot com man wheels a bike into frame, panting bride happily ... turns around who the fuck are you? panting heavily: My name's Chris. I won the chips and salsa contest. I drove here as soon as I found out that I won. I came to claim my key. I've been feasting only on this homemade vanilla ice cream. shaking Chris' hand: Hey, it's Chris! He won the key to the old locks to my apartment for his chips and salsa song. Chris: Congratulate me! Wheezy: Congratulations! Chris: Thank you. So anyways, on CNN dot com, bride... around You're still here? Chris: Yeah, where should I set up the cot? Uhh, get out. Chris: Go home... to Madison, Wisconsin? Just... Yeah. Chris: Turn around and... I'm making a movie here. for Chris to leave slowly backs out of frame, leaning forward to stay in frame as long as possible and extending his arm, with ice cream in his hand, until the last possible second So anyways, on CNN dot com, bride happily ruins 800 dollar wedding dress. In other CNN news, Iraqi rivals look for reconciliation formula. Hmmm. Iraq. I've heard of that place. Hey! I think I know someone's who been there! And I think his name is Nate. Well, Nathan. It's time for The Nates I Know. the waiter: Greetings, Nate. Welcome to music. How are you doing today? Nate: I gotta piss. the waiter: Oh, bathroom's ... it's right over there. Nate: Where? the waiter: Yeah, it's just right over there. Nate: Huh? the waiter: Yeah, it's just right over there. gets up. 20 minutes later... Nate: Augh... dirty butt. I don't think I wiped right. the waiter: That's great. So what was it like growing up with someone as awesome as me? Nate: I can roll my tongue in three loops. of Nate rolling his tongue in three loops the waiter: Umm... I understand you spent some time in Iraq. How was it? Nate: Flaccid. the waiter: What do you do for a living? Nate: I'm a teacher. the waiter: Do you like teaching? Nate: Do YOU like teaching? the waiter: I'm ... I'm not a teacher. Nate: Psshh. menu Whatever. the waiter: How do you feel about working with kids? Nate: I like kids. Just not shitheads. Are you a shithead? the waiter: I... I don't know what a shithead is. Nate: Psshh. menu Whatever. the waiter: Okay, back to Iraq. Where were you stationed? Nate: Taji. the waiter: What was your rank, soldier? Nate: If I told you I was a staff sergeant, would you even know what that means? the waiter: No. Nate: DAMNIT! the waiter: Are you a pole vaulter? Nate: That's what I do. the waiter: Hey! You wanna pole vault over the EL train with a broom? Nate: Fuck yeah! the waiter: Really? Nate: Yeah I do. stretching near the EL train tracks, takes a sip of beer, holding a broom, runs down the sidewalk holding the broom like a pole, pole vaults over the EL train while still holding his bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon, lands, stands up, drinks beer to the sound of applause Wheezy: I pole-vaulted in high school a few times. I made 9 feet. off-camera: Hey shithead. We're out of beer! (ding) dot com outro Recurring themes wheezies, chips and salsa, headlines, The Nates I Know, music replaces the restaurant's name, wink Guests Nathan References to other videos One piece of music used in the video is from Wheezy's video I have it.